“Relatedness and relation”   

 Eighteenth Sunday After Pentecost

Proverbs 31:10-31

Psalm1

James 3:1-12

Mark 9:30-37

Sunday 22 September 2024

                              ©Lauren Martin

The reading from Proverbs 31 begins with the question, who can find a capable wife? With the description of what is a capable wife following this question in Proverbs. It’s no wonder she is not easy to find! Ralph Milton wrote, who would want to be married to such a whirling dervish? She sounds exhausting to be around and somehow able to successfully live without taking any time to care for herself, including time for sleep. At first glance this passage is problematic and has been used negatively by some to affirm traditional gender roles.

Have we at times turned this aspirational, idealised woman into an unrealistic expectation? Yet, it is in Proverbs that Wisdom is personified as a woman. It is in this Hebrew acrostic poem that we see an example of a strong and independent woman. Whose role – however exhausting – is much more than the bearer of the next generation.

She excels at various pursuits not traditionally associated with women. This idealised woman is not another standard that women need to live up to, or a reinforcement of gender roles. In fact, this woman challenges gender roles, she owns property and is successful at business. It is worth noting that her individual worth is not linked to that of her husband. She has her own identity, integrity and value that is not linked to, or tied up with her relationship with, or her obedience to, her husband.

We can view this passage of the ‘Capable Wife’ as one that relates to all of us, women, men; adults, children; rich and poor. Keeping in mind that this is an idealised image, not one that is sustainable for all of one’s life. After all, if we are always doing everything all the time – other than being a recipe for burnout – we may be a source of admiration, but are we really living? Is the point of life just ‘doing’?

If we look at the attributes of this amazing, idealised woman, we can see that her achievements have a theme of being about relationships with others and with God. Similar to our gospel reading today, there is a focus on relatedness and relationship.

To live a good life, a life of integrity, does not mean staying within ridged or pre-defined social rules, but by doing what is best for all creation. The capable wife, the capable husband, the capable daughter, son, sister or brother listens for God’s voice and presence, doing ordinary acts with love.

Proverbs 31 invites us to imagine our inherent worth, a worth not defined by the limitations of social pressures and expectations. But where does that lead us with ambition, with wanting to do all, be all, be the best, be the greatest?

Who is the greatest?

Do the words of Muhammad Ali come to mind? What about political slogans, superheroes, or product adverts? The greatest, the best, the latest and the most advanced.

Is the greatest the capable wife who somehow lives up to these standards? Or is it one of the disciples involved in the argument about greatness on the way, from the gospel reading?

Like in Proverbs, we are again, called into relatedness and relationship with Jesus’ response;

 ‘Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’(Mk.9:37)

Like a web of relationship, or like different colours mixing in water, there is a clear lack of separation between the child, Jesus, the disciples, us, and God.

The child, who was at the bottom of the social ladder, but still part of the family. Another mouth to feed, who didn’t contribute, more vulnerable to disease but, who also held the continuation of the family name and would provide care for the parents in their old age.  The insider on the outside. The one who is to be welcomed. Who has their own innate value.

In Mark, children are not depicted as holy and innocent, or as exceptionally skilled with a long list of achievements, but as victims of poverty and disease. Little people who are easily overlooked, unseen and unheard. I don’t think children were even mentioned or considered in the disciple’s argument of greatness as they walked along.

Is to be great about who has the most impressive resume, the greatest list of achievements?

What does it mean to be great?

Maybe we could ask, who is the best person you’ve ever met? And why do you think they’re the best?

Were they the best because they were competitive, indifferent to others, had a powerful position, reputation or great wealth? Or was it because they were authentic, honest, dependable, had integrity, truly saw, respected and listened to you? Who saw your potential, offered wisdom and insight, those who valued and cared about you as much or more than themselves? Those who loved you. Who accepted you. Who welcomed you. Who called you to be the best you could be.

Welcoming a child. Welcoming God in us and between us as we participate in the kaleidoscopic whirlpool of colour that is relatedness.

By identifying with a child, Jesus is redefining the disciples (and our) perception about what is greatness and about God. It is not in the ruling powers, but in the vulnerability of a child that we encounter God. This is not the Messiah born a royal household or leading a triumphant procession into Jerusalem on a horse, but a baby born in a stable laying where animals eat, and a man on a lowly donkey.

This is a greatness that does not come with titles of power, grandeur, accomplishment, fame and wealth. This greatness is measured in welcome, in caring for, in loving and serving others.

Karoline Lewis wrote, because God became human decided that greatness is not about separation but solidarity, not about better than but relationship. Not about self-adulation but empowerment and encouragement of the other… Greatness is determined by weakness and vulnerability. By service and sacrifice. By humility and honour. By truthfulness and faithfulness.

Like our woman in Proverbs, who seemed to act with a mind and heart for others, caring for her nearest and dearest while still maintaining her own identity, her personhood and worth. We too should be inspired to welcome, uplift and build up each other, confident in our own worth. Welcoming the little child amongst us, the insider on the outside, all of creation.

I leave you with these words from writer, poet and environmentalist Wendell Berry in his last verse of the pome Look Out;

Leave your windows and go out, people of the world,
go into the streets, go into the fields, go into the woods
and along the streams. Go together, go alone.
Say no to the Lords of War which is Money
which is Fire. Say no by saying yes
to the air, to the earth, to the trees,
yes to the grasses, to the rivers, to the birds
and the animals and every living thing, yes
to the small houses, yes to the children. Yes.

In this season of creation may we gently hold one another and all the work of God’s hands with welcome, love and acceptance. A welcome and hospitality that seek to build up and rejoice in the other, as God rejoices in us.

Amen.

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